The Pain of a Boards Mom
I am a Boards Mom – which means that my child has appeared for the dreaded Boards exam. As I stand outside the exam centre with other moms and dads, I see worry written on the foreheads, dark circles from lack of sleep and nervous laughter. I know the frequent licking of lips to counter the dryness and the tight knot in the stomach from tension. Even the most-put-together-look-mom appears dishevelled and we all disregard the night stubble, the pyjamas and hawai chappals. One mom holds her purse tightly as she shares that her purse was picked when her elder one gave the Boards years back.
We double-check and triple-check all the essentials – sharpened pencils, working pens, school i-card, admit card, transparent water bottle, hanky. We prep each other up and shout ‘all the best’ to not just our kids but their friends too and to each other. We hug and hang behind small groups discussing NEP, subjects and streams, changing schools, career options, counsellors and entrance exams. I see kinship and camaraderie as we support each other.
I see tension as we scan the faces of the kids exiting the centre gate, trying to decipher how the exam went – are the kids smiling or not smiling? We tell the kids to ignore the ice cream wallah standing outside, telling them to enjoy the much-desired treat on the last day of the exam. We promise to make up for the delayed birthday parties, the regrets for the missed weddings, the refusal to entertain any guests, and the ban on all outside food.
Most of all, we try very hard not to let all this stress get to the kids. Yes, we fail in this and we think we are failing as parents. We try to be supportive, telling the kid that it is okay if the exam doesn’t go well and to focus on the next exam. We tell the kid that these marks will not matter in the next 5-10-15-20 years (truth – we think they matter). We say life is not a race (truth – we think it is). We say that it is far more important that if you fall, you get up and start again (truth – But we still worry that someone will be ahead of you.)
But the one thing that scares ALL of us parents is the dreaded phone calls from long-lost relatives, acquaintances and so-called well-wishers. People who never bother to enquire about you or your family suddenly call up on the day of the Board result to ask about the marks and to pass judgment. The ‘vishesh tippandi’ can range from “arey padh leta hai yeh” (they are surprised that the kid scored well) to ‘lagta hai padhi nahi, marks toh 98 acche lagte hai’ (even when the kid scores 90 per cent) to “admission nahi mila kya” (the kid decided to pursue a non-science stream).
When kids say ‘Exam se darr nahin lagta, result se lagta hai,” I want to hug them and say, “I know what you mean.” But for us Boards parents, the line is ‘Result se darr nahi lagta, rishtedaaron se lagta hai”.
