Recently saw a movie in which the hero was being hounded by his folks to get married and he was not willing to consider a relationship as important as marriage without compatibility, connectability, capability, dependability, impeccability, credibility, intelligibility, acceptability, respectability, perfectibility, desirability, fashionabilty, suitability, incredibility, honourability, adorability, amenability and a host of other “bilities”. Quite naturally, these list of qualities in a single human, being impossible – he was happily single but ready to mingle.
Accidently, he stumbled on someone who had all the above and even some more that he had not himself expressed but very much wanted. He fell in love, only to find out soon enough that the person he had started loving was a Robot. What happens henceforth can be seen in the movie by you all.
What got me thinking was how true it was that we are looking for perfection in relationships and are missing out the beauty in imperfections. Relationships here can be between friends, relatives, spouses – in fact any relationship.
We seem to have forgotten to adjust, to compromise, to accept. Every one of us is uniquely different and has different behavior patterns, personalities, ideologies, interests, strengths and weakness, weirdness, flaws and idiosyncrasies. Why do we accept others to be exact clones of us or conform to our expected format in all respects?
I am not talking here of relationships which are transactional – where goods or services are given/taken against some agreed consideration. I am talking of long-term relationship which needs the foundation of mutual trust and respect to sustain. Any such long-term relationship does not need the persons involved to be clones and have all the mentioned “bilities”. It needs the basic understanding that to get love, trust and respect you need to first give it. Trust and respect will normally be reciprocated and you can then start to evolve your relationship over time. Love? Well, it has no guarantee of being reciprocated and if it is not – the person needs to move on and not start stalking the other person like it is unfortunately shown as macho in our films.
Coming back to the young generation whose troubled parents are tearing their hair apart as their 30+ sons and daughters are going around in circles trying to find that perfect relationship and time is going by. My advice to these parents is to chill. This is not in your control – similar to the Farmer’s agitation or the Ukraine War or the Climate. So, chill maro!
And to the young friends, my advice is to get over this commitment-phobia. No one knows what will happen a few moments from now and you all are making elaborate future plans of career, settling down location, kids and other responsibilities and eventualities. Everything works out if there is intent as well as content in both individuals.
All you need is to be honest and discover whether the match you are considering has content (character, family background, value system, education, etc.) and intent (willing to commit, ability to listen and consider your views, etc). If there are no red flags in either content or intent – then take the plunge with the resolve from both sides that you both will make this work. I am sure, there will be times of crisis, differences, fights – like in every marriage but things will work out because each person realizes that the happiness of the other person is essential for his/her own happiness. And happiness is not when everything is perfect – but when you both have decided to look beyond the imperfections. The acceptance of imperfections makes the relationships perfect and then you start finding beauty even in the imperfections – all you need is a short memory and a big heart.
It is the same with our friends – when imperfect people refuse to give up on each other and find a way to make it work. So, enjoy their imperfections – after all they are tolerating yours for sure.
Perfectly imperfect is a state of being, not a destination. Let us embrace the journey and enjoy the ride.
