I recently got a chance to discuss the changing marriage scenario in India with Jyoti Kankar (Tower 38 – 1503). She is a healer and a life coach. She works in the domain of happiness, conscious parenting and the like.
Jyoti did a Quantum Living course from the Proctor Gallagher Institute, USA. She has also done other courses like TIR and YOU2. Prior to moving into the healing field, she was a lecturer at the Jyoti Nivas College in Bengaluru.
I asked Jyoti if Indian marriages have changed in the last decade or so. She replies in the affirmative. “Nowadays, we generally see two types of marriages. One, love marriages where two people understand each other, know their behaviour and likes. Second where a marriage takes place for financial security. Men look for women who are educated and working with good family backgrounds while women too seek men who are good professional positions and have a sound income.”
Jyoti points out that in both these types of marriages, the individuals take charge and decide on their own who they want to marry. They adjust with each other to validate their decision.
Jyoti says, “However, nowadays, individuals do not know the meaning of love.” A couple in a relationship still ends up in a sour marriage because they are unable to handle the responsibilities that come with it.
Jyoti also blames the excessive expectations spouses have from each other but also simultaneously believing that they themselves are perfect!
I press Jyoti to disclose if couples are committed to their marriages these days. She affirms, “Couples are committed but due to reasons other than love – maybe children, maybe office reputation, etc.”
I ask Jyoti if romance is dead nowadays. She informs that it is not for all couples but only a minority is living a true married life. After a few years of marriage, couples begin to live like parents, rather than as couples.
Jyoti exclaims, “Couples have to feel the romance from inside!”
I am curious to know if, given all of the above changes, more couples are coming forward for counselling. Jyoti shakes her head to share that that is, unfortunately, not the case. Couples still hesitate to take counselling.
“Only those couples seek counselling who really want to work on their marriage!”
I ask Jyoti if couples who do come for counselling, are they committed to the process. She affirms that all the couples who come to her for counselling are indeed committed to the process.
Jyoti helps them see the reality. “A couple generally sees me for three – four months before visible changes begin to occur in their marriages.”
I ask Jyoti how couples can communicate more positively. She suggests couples to neither try to control each other’s behaviour not to judge them. Couples should always speak with a positive attitude.
Jyoti further recommends, “Please appreciate each other.” Couples must also spend quality time together and laugh together. At the same time, they should also give space to each other.
Lastly, I ask Jyoti if she gets cases where one of the partners has been unfaithful. She affirms, “Yes and I work with them to ascertain if the unfaithful partner has guilt within.” Further counselling can only happen if this partner feels guilty and is committed towards improving the relationship.
Team Samvada wishes Jyoti all the best for the positive work she has been doing!
