What causes Self-Denial?
When a person refuses to accept reality, s/ he is in a denial state. It is a defence mechanism that is used to avoid realities such as grief, trauma, any unpleasant feelings! This can be useful in the short term as it allows the affected person some time to adjust to a sudden unpleasant change in reality but eventually accept and move on. They will experience feelings of isolation and sadness.
In some cases, like the loss of a life partner/ child, just an empathetic talk are sufficient. However, if a person continues to remain in that state and refuses to address the problem, it can cause issues such as paranoia/ delusions.
This makes the person behave like an ostrich who buries its head in the sand hoping that the problems will disappear! S/ he refuses to take timely help, often destructive behaviour follows.
Some red flags of this state: Being fatalistic; Blaming the world; Displaying maladaptive behaviour; Unwilling to talk about the problem; Justifying habits; Shifting blame to others for one’s suffering; Stalling to address the problem to some later date; Persisting with behaviour despite negative consequences; Assuring well-wishers to address the problem in the future.
Mind coaching efficacy hinges on one crucial factor: absolute honesty to discuss the issue without any fear of a judgement being formed. No Mind Coach would form a judgement about the client!
If one refuses to acknowledge one’s flaws/ the keenness to change, a Mind Coach’s, efforts would be wasted.
The Consequences:
1. Impaired Personal Growth – One of the goals of mind coaching is facilitating the client’s personal growth. If the client refuses to come out of the denial prison, he/she misses opportunities to learn and evolve as a happy and content person, thereby stifling potential.
2. Strained Interpersonal Relationships – Self-denial certainly impacts one’s interpersonal relationships. When a person lives in an illusionary world, s/ he will continue to live in a cocoon which interferes with meaningful relationships with family, friends and colleagues who, in turn, will gradually drift away from such people.
Relationships get strained as others start becoming frustrated due to the feeling that their concerns are dismissed/ invalidated. This can lead to damaged relationships.
3. Negative impact on Mental Health – Suppressing emotions leads to increase in the stress levels, anxiety, despair and even depression. To achieve a reasonable amount of peace, one must face the issues!
Even the best Mind Coach will fail if the client refuses to address the issues that steal away the joy of life!
4. Missed Opportunities – Those who choose to remain in a self-denial state, are oblivious to their own potential. They tend to dismiss opportunities for growth, fearing failure. Consequently, they miss experiences.
5. Wasted Resources – People might agree to take a Mind Coach’s help due to pressure but continue to remain in their cloistered world of self-denial, will waste the investment of time, money and energy.
Efforts get hampered if the client refuses to be honest.
Whose Loss?
A Mind Coach derives satisfaction when the clients show positive changes. It may, therefore, be disheartening for the Mind Coach while working on clients who refuse to get healed.
However, the loser is the one who continues to believe that the suffering is due to his/ her destiny that s/ he lives in and refuses to accept that a change in perspective is needed!
If they choose to remain in a self-denial state during mind coaching sessions, they miss the opportunity for personal growth and mental well-being.
Additionally, such a person’s family and colleagues experience frustration and disappointment but the person stuck in self-denial bears the maximum brunt of the consequences, missing the transformative potential of mind coaching.
